Life with Birds and Beasties
by peach petal9
Summary: Cait Sith goes about the world, studying the creatures of FFVII. Of course, what does he know?
1. Mount Corel

(music)

"Life, beauty, and magic…All is what I use to describe the cockatolis. We will go into detail as we explore the life of this magnificent being on….

The Life of Birds and Beasties with Cait Sith

Cait Sith is trying to sound like David Attingborough. "We are here on Mt. Corel to show you the nesting grounds of a bird called the cockatolis. We know that this bird likes to nest on Pheonix Downs, so we must find some."

The camera wobbles a little as Yuffie shifts onto her right foot. "Can we, like, go to that spot with the nest we saw before-"

Ciat Sith holds a paw up. "Shhh!" He slips over to her and leans in "(We can't make it sound like it going to be easy!)"

Yuffie doesn't respond. " …."

He steps back and resumes the naturalist. "As we continue our trek up the mountain, we can see a young family of Bombs! How nice! They seem happy! (Zoom in)"

Yuffie replies. "I'm not getting in there!"

Bombs: "Bomb!"

Cait Sith bounces over the railroad tracks and hops in place as he points above him. "Ah, we are here! These are the Cockatolis chicks. The Pheonix Downs help incubate them."

Chicks: Peep! Peep!

Bombs: "BOMB!"

Cait Sith turns around quickly. "(gasp) Oh, dear the bombs are attracted to the warmth of the Downs." He starts to nervously chew on his horn." Suddenly, a giant cockatolis jumps out in front of the bombs.

Cockatolis: CrEEEE!

Cait Sith perks up again and points. "It's the mother! Great! Now we shall see one of its special attacks."

The Cockatolis pecks at the bomb.

Cait Sith giggles with delight. "The Cockatolis used its beak attack against the bombs!"

Bombs: B-b-bomb!

Yuffie points to the scene. "Hey, the bombs got bigger. I think that's a bad thing."

Cait Sith looks to the camera, explaining the scene. "The bombs make their getaway! They-"

(BOMB!)

The bombs explode and the mother cockatolis goes flying across the ground, hitting the side of the mountain. "CREEE!"

Cait Sith grabs his face in shock. "The cockatolis appears to be hurt! The Bombs have used self-destruct. This is horrible!" He then goes bouncing towards it.

"What are you doing!" Yuffie says not sure whether to follow him or not.

"The bird needs help!" He shouts back.

"Haven't you ever heard of leaving nature to its course, or whatever; that circle of life thing?" She whines. She follows after him pathetically.

"CREEE!" The bird sprays Cait Sith with a fine mist as soon as he gets close enough.

Cait Sith coughes and begins to retreat. "Petrify smog! We must leave!"

Yuffie steps back with him. "We didn't bring any softs!"

Cait Sith just looks to the camera as he begins to go solid, " …Well this…is all…for today's…show. Tune in…N-E-X-T…(cracking)

T-I-M-E…for…(Break!)"

(fade out music)

Yuffie pans the camera around looking for the rest of the crew which has run off. "Can somebody get me outta here!"

End.

Please let me know what you think. Peachy!


	2. The Shinra Plane

I am bringing you the next chapter of Life of Birds and Beasties. I appreciate the review for this story. I hope to improve on this.

Cait Sith and Yuffie are walking unsteadily down the narrow hallways of a dimly lit area. Yuffie tries her best not to step in the murky water nor let the steady drips that pour form the ceiling touch her hair. She holds the camera and focuses on Cait Sith as he signals that they are in the right spot. He smiles and begins, "We are here today in a most mysterious and uncharted place in order to shed light on the lives of what mysterious creatures live here-"

"We've already been down here. Its just the downed Shinra plane." Yuffie blurts out irritably.

"We are in the down Shinra plane!" Cait Sith squeals out jumping up and down and clapping his hands. Yuffie sighs.

"This thing is taking on water; we shouldn't be here if we don't have to." She makes to turn and leave, but she notices that Cait Sith has no intention of leaving until they spot a few creatures. She sighs and continues to trudge behind him as he goes on with his narrative.

"An entire eco-system exists in this plane. The miracle of life and evolution knows no bounds. We must press on! Let us move into here." They move into the large holding dock area. Cait Sith bounds in and moves to the center of the room. Yuffie goes in but not before taking a look around to make sure its safe. Slowly, she ventures in and holds up the camera.

"We are in the largest area in the plane." Cait Sith begins. Yuffie steps forward but slips and falls on her bum. "AAh! D$?n wet floor.!" Cait Sith brings a paw to his lips. "Do not use such language." He stops and points behind her. "OOH! Look! A bad rap, and look over there!" He squeals. Yuffie looks around her and quickly gets up. Three bad wraps float out from the shadows. Yuffie backs closer to Cait Sith.

"It has friends, wonderful!" Cait Sith sounds delighted.

"These ain't allies, Sith." Yuffie warns. Cait Sith takes no notice. "And look at this!"

"A Poodler!" A poodler waddles out and makes a weird sound. Cait Sith moves in closer. "I have to mention once again that these creatures are unique to this area! There is so much to learn. A cornucopia of knowledge! Did I say that right?" He asks Yuffie.

She just gives him a look. _CAN WE GET OUT OF HERE?_ She is flabbergasted to see him moves in even closer to the poodler and bad raps. "Cootchie cootchie coo!"

Suddenly all of the monsters are slurped by something and they are eaten. Yuffie lets out a shriek. "It looks like a huge tongue or something!"

"OH NO! It appears as if the poor creatures have been eaten up by something. Something strange and…UNKNOWN!" he finishes with glee.

Yuffie quickly takes out the PHS and begins talking into it. "Guys, get me the heck out of here! Do you hear me? I said- hey the batteries are gone!"

"We are in uncharted territory, about to unfurl the secrets of the deep. Please continue to roll film as I begin to make history-"

"You daffy plush head!" Yuffie screams at him, "I told you we've already been down here! We don't get to wear status protection on this show! We are unarmed as well."

Cait Sith just continues. "It is indeed strange with a toothsome skull-like face and a ring of eyes. It somehow hovers just a little bit above the floor. I'm getting in closer!"

"Yeah, you do that." Yuffie mutters as she searches desperately for any material she might have stashed in some unknown pocket. "No material." She groans.

"It appears, wow, as if it's the creature's tongue is its tail. Or its tail is its tongue!" Cait Sith leans forward to look at this feature. The unkown just drools.

"What a magnificent-

Suddenly, the unknown snaps at Cait Sith. CRUNCH! It bites off his head. Yuffie sqirms with disgust. "EEWWW! It ate his head! That's it; I'm getting out of here. See ya!"

Notes- Look for a chapter of Ask Rinoa's Heart for a cameo appearance of Cait Sith. Peachy!


End file.
